How Loving Too Much—Animals and People—Led Me Back to Self-Love
There was a time when I learned a self-love lesson the hard way. In fact, I felt like I barely survived the ordeal.
In the end, it seemed like I was struggling to hold on to my sanity. I felt drained – Mentally, emotionally and physically. It was a culmination of doing too much, taking on more than I could chew, and staying in a marriage that was narcissistic, insidious and soul-sucking.
It started out like a fairy tale. We seemed to be meant for each other, and I thought we were going to change the world with our work.
There was also a shared love of animals. And against my better judgment, the number of animals kept increasing as we rescued, bought, and took on more horses, goats, dogs, cats and chickens.
Although I loved them all, it was becoming financially overwhelming. Having animals can go from being a therapeutic experience for an empath, to a point where we’re neglecting ourselves because too much of our time, energy and financial resources are going to the animals.
We start to become worn down, and it can show on all levels of our being. We can also make excuses and tell ourselves that it’s a “worthwhile cause”, but in the end, we find ourselves reaching a limit where we have to make difficult choices, and let some of our animals go for our own survival.
I found myself in that very painful situation. And to top it all off, after years of manipulation and trying to hang on to a toxic marriage with someone who was wearing me down (mentally and emotionally) at the same time, it was a recipe for disaster.
I was trying to love someone who didn’t truly love me, but saw me as someone to fulfill their own needs, desires, and their sense of superiority. Mind games ensued, including “gotcha” games that cut deep with painful criticisms, that made me lash back at them so they could blame me for having “anger issues”.
The manipulation was draining to the core of my being, because narcissistic behavior is certainly evil at its own core. But the hard truth is, it’s a powerful lesson in self-love.
In the end, I was discarded for someone else. (After all, if you’re becoming worn down, you’re no longer useful to the narcissist.) Their process is: Idealize, Devalue and Discard.
So, I found myself drained of energy from the toxic relationship that tormented me in the end. At the same time, feeling drained by taking care of all of the animals that we had accumulated.
After finding myself on my own with a property that we had just acquired, along with all of the animals we had accumulated, I had to make a very difficult decision – but it was one that was made out of self-love.
I put the property up for sale, found the best homes I could for some of the animals, and downsized my life so that I could heal, and find myself again. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, and to this day, I think of those animals from time to time – without judging myself in the process.
In the end, I felt like my soul went through a shredder. My marriage was over in a very painful way, as I watched my former partner brag about their wonderful new life with another person (after walking away from the life and animal family we had created).
And this is not a story of self-pity, but a divine lesson in the life of an empath. I was left to pick up the pieces, but I also knew that I had to let go – heal and create balance.
Then the healing process began. It wasn’t instant, as it took a while to sort through the wreckage in my heart.
I subsequently began helping other women through the painful process of a narcissistic divorce, and tapped into divine guidance to help others heal their pasts, and create a new future. Helping them also helped me to make sense of it all.
I learned the hard way that if we love ourselves from the start, we can avoid finding ourselves in these extremely painful and draining situations, where we have to make difficult decisions.
When we have the boundaries that allow us to stay out of toxic relationships, and know that we deserve better, we protect our energy. As empaths, we’re more effective at serving others when we save our energy for those who are worthy of our power, and avoid giving our power to someone who will use us until we become barely able to function.
And when it comes to animals, it’s awesome to care for them and love them, because they are certainly deserving. But when we take on so many animals that it turns into self-neglect, then we’re setting ourselves up for heartache.
So take care of you first. Protect yourself, and the precious love that only you can give. Self-preservation is one of the greatest lessons for empaths.
Give your love to those who deserve you, and only put enough on your plate that you can handle effectively. Because you, beautiful soul, deserve to be treated – by yourself and others – as the kind and caring human being that you are.
When you respect yourself, others will respect you too, and you’ll also be able to care for your animals in the best way possible. When you have this awareness and practice tools for self-preservation, life is balanced and beautiful.
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