When helping those we care about feels like fixing them — and how empaths can honor both compassion and boundaries.
In my life and particularly in relationships, I’ve learned a valuable lesson – the hard way. And I want to share it with you as validation for what you may be going through, and to stop any repeating patterns in your life (like the ones that I’ve had).
As empaths, we’re great little fixers; it’s part of our nature. And when we’re around someone we especially care about, our desire to help them runs deep.
We can see and FEEL their suffering. And because empaths have such a great intuition, we often sense what the other person needs help with.
It’s as though we’re looking at them from a distance and getting the bigger perspective that our loved one can’t see. And above all, we know what the solution is.
The truth is, many of us are natural healers and we already have tools in our healers toolbox that can help them. But what if that person doesn’t accept help?
They may take pride in themselves and believe they can fix the problem. Or they may be in denial that the problem exists. In either case, it leaves us feeling frustrated and helpless when we can’t ease their suffering.
Then we can really try to take control and advise them on what to do, or try to intervene in their life in some way. Eventually, our own behavior becomes exhausting, as we run circles around them trying to control the situation. (I’ve done this in relationships.)
Because unless that person is willing to help themselves and put in the work to do it, it’s like pushing a boulder up a hill. It’s a lose-lose situation because they aren’t getting anywwhere, and we become worn out from putting out allot of energy in vain.
It becomes more and more difficult, because results aren’t happening. Then we resent the other person for not doing what we know they need to do to fix their problem, and in the meantime we end up neglecting ourselves. (We can also become an enabler by doing things for them when they need to learn to do it for themselves – or they may need to get help elsewhere.)
This is when it’s time to look in the mirror, be honest with ourselelves and love oursleves again. In these situations, it’s easy to lose sight of self-care and self-respect.
Let’s face it, compassion is one of our greatest assets. At the same time, it goes back to those precious boundaries.
And in the animal world, some animals instinctively work together as a herd where it makes sense, or live a solitary life of self-protection if that works for their species. Either way, they know they must focus on their own survivial in order to sustain life for generations to come.
So, when you think of those you love:
- Is there anyone that you’re caring for a little too much?
- Are you doing too much or trying too hard to fix their problems?
- Is it to the point where it’s detrimental for both of you because you’re enabling them or just exhausting yourself?
There’s certainly no judment; it happens to the best of us. And really, it’s part of the fabric of who we are as a highly sensitive person.
But again, there’s always that balance we need to find. Are you getting mentally, emotionally, physically or financially drained? Are you respecting your own wants and needs, or are you giving too much?
If it’s feeling exhausting instead of helpful, it’s time to let go of the reins and allow that person to find their own way. And this is very hard to do, expecially when it’s someone who’s close to us. But sometimes it’s necessary.
So, know that you’re an awesome person who just wants to help. But as we know, it’s imperative that we help ourselves. By doing so, we keep our energy up and we become so much more affective at helping those who are willing to help themselves.
Remember: There’s only so much you can do. It’s okay to let yourself off the hook, and accept that you’ve done your best. Always take care of you; so you can live the happy, healthy life you deserve.
If you’ve been feeling a little off-track, unsure of your next step, or simply craving reconnection with your intuition — I’d love to invite you to a free 30-minute Clarity & Purpose Call.
During our time together, you’ll receive:
A Wild Animal Wisdom Message — direct insight from the animal realm for your path.
A soulful conversation about where you’re being called to heal, grow, or serve.
A chance to explore longer-term support, if it feels aligned.
This call is ideal if you’re curious about intuitive mentorship or ongoing healing work.
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Let’s tune in to your wild guidance and rediscover your next step together.
