Grief, guilt, and the grace of knowing we did our best.
In my previous article “Looking Beyond the Hurt” I talked about my brother, and the struggles he had. He wasn’t doing well at the time, and unfortunately, he passed away about a week ago.
And on a soul level, I felt it coming. But as a human, it wasn’t easy to accept that he was leaving – even though I know he’s in a better place.
And when I reflected on everything that happened, I processed the usual reaction that we empaths have: Could I have saved him? Could I have gotten him the help he needed in time? What could I have done differently?
I had thought of “moving back home” a year ago, but it didn’t feel right. So I couldn’t see what was going on with him since I’m in another state, and I didn’t know how bad things were.
So I asked myself: What if I had been there? Could I have pushed him to see a doctor sooner? If I had seen the condition he was in, maybe I could have helped somehow.
There were many questions that went through my mind, but at the same time, I reassured myself with the words: “It was his time”. And yet, the roller coaster ride of grief emotions still happens, no matter how spiritual we are.
Grief is universal. Whether it’s with humans or animals who are close to us, it can hit really hard.
And especially for an empath, who feels the suffering of others and wants to help – to the point of saving a life. And it’s no different with animals. It’s just as painful, as we question ourselves and reflect on what happened.
Especially since our animals are so dependent on us. They need us for food and care, and to hopefully know when something is wrong with them. And since they don’t speak to us, it can be difficult to know what’s going on with them (unless we’ve honed our intuition through animal communication – and even then, perhaps we’re not supposed to know).
So when we lose them, the grief can hit extra hard. We can ruminate about the past and wonder “what if”.
We might think that we should have seen the signs earlier, or we might even think that we allowed them to suffer too long. Euthanasia is common with animals since we hate to see them suffer, but we can also question whether it was the right choice or the right timing.
Grief is complicated, and in the case of both humans and animals, finding peace of mind can be a struggle. For example, if we live alone and no one else loved the animal like we did, there may be no one who can share in our grief.
However, we can still share with others who know what it’s like to experience the unique loss of our animal companion. With people, we may have shared many decades with them.
With animals, it can be very short, yet very sweet at the same time, because of the unconditional love they give us. So if grief is something you’re struggling with, the real question is: What are you doing to love yourself?
Receiving love from our animals is great, but there are things we can do for ourselves to help relieve any physical, mental or emotional pain that grief brings. It can be as simple as:
- Taking a warm bath
- Reading a comforting book
- Pampering yourself with a face mask
- Getting a manicure, pedicure, facial or massage
I’m booking a massage right now as my sleep has been impacted by grief. And yet, being spiritual as I am, I know that our family, friends and animals who have passed are in a good place.
I know they’re at peace and still surrounding me with love. But unfortunately, grief is a process that we humans go through. And when we do, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves.
If you’re experiencing grief, remember not to push yourself. Don’t feel like you “should be doing better”. Give yourself some grace.
Know that it will get better. Time heals our hearts, but we can also get one-to-one support to help us through it.
Go easy on yourself, and lean into gratitude for all of the time you had together. Remember those sweet moments, and tap into the wonderful memories, knowing you did your best.
I’m sure you did. Why? Because you’re an empath, and empaths are always caring. So, remember to care for you too.
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