Sometimes the deepest wounds belong to the one who caused them.
As of this writing, my brother isn’t doing well. He’s hospitalized, and time will tell if he pulls through.
He’s also an empath, who has always been deeply sensitive. That strong sensitivity helped him as a healer.
He was a chiropractor who could sense what was wrong with someone, and how their spine was affecting their entire body. He also mentioned how his hands would sort of “buzz” with a feeling of wanting to work on someone, and help them to feel better.
Unfortunately, his sensitivity has been a struggle. Because as children, we grew up in a toxic environment.
Our father was a WWII Marine Corps veteran who did two tours in the South Pacific, which was a traumatic experience for him. He became an alcoholic, with PTSD that went untreated. He also struggled with other inner demons from abuse in his childhood.
Unfortunately, the unhealed wounds created chaos in our home, which wasn’t the best environment for children to grow up in. My way of dealing with it was to try to remember the good times, although my own trauma from it all manifested as unhealthy relationships (sometimes with love-bombing narcissists). I was looking to fill the void from the insecurities I felt, as my inner child didn’t feel loved.
As for my brother, he was eventually diagnosed with conditions that resulted in depression and paranoia. He often lived in fear from the memories he carried.
At one point, he stopped doing his healing work and withdrew. He did his best to find ways to cope with what he was feeling, but he has struggled to live a full life.
This impacted his own family, and I can see how they would feel neglected. While my brother was often trying to cope with anxiety, depression, and other issues, he was unable to truly be there for them.
We didn’t see our own father for the last 26 years of his life. He became the alcoholic that emotionally distanced himself from his family.
Often, family trauma goes from one generation to the next, along with hurt feelings of neglect. If this is something you’ve experienced, I’d like to share a saying that we had in healing arts school:
Everyone is doing the best they can at any given time with the tools they have.
It’s not that they don’t love us. It’s not that they don’t care about us. It’s simply that they’re busy trying to cope with their own issues, and sometimes it’s a struggle for them to get through the day.
And you may be thinking, “But my life hasn’t been easy either.” Well, there’s certainly no judgment here.
After all, we’re all here in this big classroom called life. And unfortunately, it’s the hardest lessons that teach us the most.
The danger is that we can get stuck in blame, which comes from a place of hurt. If you feel that way, it’s time to give yourself grace.
And although you may be hurting inside, know that the other person is hurting too. We need compassion for ourselves and what we’ve been through, while allowing ourselves to see things from the other person’s perspective.
We can also think of it from the point of view of animals. They teach us to be ourselves in the moment, and to not dwell on the past.
They don’t need to forgive, because they don’t carry the resentment that we humans do. Like a horse, sometimes we need to “stay in our own lane” as we gallop down the path of life.
In the end, we can only work on ourselves and do our own healing, and see others with the empathy that we empaths have. We can know that they’re doing their best, just like we are.
The way we feel about how others have treated us is real, and I’m not saying we should deny that. But staying in a place of blame only hurts us in the long run.
Did the other person mean to hurt us? More often than not, they were simply trying to survive their own struggles.
They were just trying to do their best in difficult times, and that’s all any of us can do. And as animals teach us: Loving ourselves instead of depending on others to love us is one of the best tools in life.
PS: One common thread I’ve seen in my own family is that people don’t always seek the help they need. But when they do, it can save years of precious time and open the door to healing, clarity, and purpose.
If you feel like you’re caught in repeating patterns, going through a major transition, or need help getting unstuck, you’re invited to book an Unstuck Clarity Call. Simply schedule a time and answer a few questions to get the ball rolling: https://MustangMindset.as.me/Clarity
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